I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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