well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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