I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
