I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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