He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
