A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
