i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
