this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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