This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
