You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The feeling are messing with the penis
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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