i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
