I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
