True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
