Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
