i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Randomize
