Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
