i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
