if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
