??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
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We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
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Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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