Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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