Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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