I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
