How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
