You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
