Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
