I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So vagazzling was a success
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
