she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
