I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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