my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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