I just made out with a guy for $7.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
