I should be sponsored by Trojan
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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