she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
