Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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