my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
