i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
