you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
