At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I forgot how hot balto sounded
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
