just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
