I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
