I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My feet surprised me
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