College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
