i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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