How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
