I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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