On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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