Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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