Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
