I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize