Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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