I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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