just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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