no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
