They should really pass out barf bags in church
you would pick up someone in the library
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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