oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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