I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
