He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
