After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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