Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
