so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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