maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
