Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
