I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize