I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
