You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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