Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
